This past year has been tough on so many people. I’m no exception. Whether it’s the financial stress from businesses being forced to close, spending time in isolation away from friends and family, or losing a loved one, each are the products of living in a pandemic. These issues are in addition to the normal stressors we deal with in our daily lives. Most of us get some respite from stress by playing in fantasy football. The best day of the year is draft day! We devote hours to analyzing players, reading articles, and developing a strategy on how to win. And yet most give little regard for our most precious asset- our well-being. Instead, we should spend a little time developing a mental health draft strategy to help us cope.
My background- Back in 2012 I was in graduate school. I went back to school trying to make a career change into school counseling. I wanted to make a difference in children’s lives. During my final semester I learned that my dad had pancreatic cancer. While all cancer is bad, pancreatic is one of the worst diagnoses you can get. The survival rate isn’t very good. My dad and I were very close, maybe more so than others. I’m an only child. No brothers, no sisters, it’s just me. He was my best friend. He loved me unconditionally. I wasn’t the smartest, the richest, or the most athletic. He didn’t care. He was always there for me. As my dad’s health deteriorated, the sense of utter helplessness and sadness engulfed me. My life was like the scene in Top Gun when Maverick loses control of the jet and goes spinning out of control, into the sea. Even the premier medical institution in the world, The Mayo Clinic, said there was little they could do. On July 15th, 2012 I lost my best friend. My dad died and a part of me died with him. There will always be a gaping hole in my heart that no amount of money or beautiful women can fill. My life was shattered.
Climbing Back from the Abyss- A New Normal- I hate terms or labeling people. I wouldn’t say I was depressed. There’s such a negative connotation to mental health in general. We all deal with stuff though. Whether it’s grief, getting rejected, anger, etc. I was just sad. That’s normal when your best friend dies. Fortunately, I had some friends to lean on that helped me cope with my grief. Just being there, willing to listen to me or invite me over to hang out, helped me a lot. Another thing that helped me was, oddly enough, fantasy football. I started playing back in 1991. The first time I played it, I was hooked. I always looked forward to draft night and seeing some of my college friends. Going back to doing something I love was huge for me in 2012. A few years later I took things to a new level. I started writing fantasy football articles. And while I had dreams of working in the industry, it helped me cope with my dad’s loss.
How to Cope- Writing was one thing that helped me, but it wasn’t the only thing. You have to find hobbies that you enjoy. Here are some other things that helped me cope:
Eating healthy & regular exercise- Just like RBs are the foundation of your fantasy football team, eating healthy and regular exercise are the foundation for your mental health. Grilled fish, grilled chicken, and vegetables helped provide the fuel for my body. Exercise provided the outlet to burn it off. It’s good for your physical and mental health. Working out helped me in the past whether I was getting over a breakup, or had a frustrating day at work. It also helped me with my biggest heartbreak- losing my dad. I always felt a little better after a good workout at the gym.
Avoid alcohol and drugs- Don’t use stress as an excuse to engage in unhealthy behaviors. I’m not a big drinker, but when I went to Vegas I got hammered after my dad died. Once in a while is okay, but doing it regularly is not good for you, either physically or mentally. Alcohol is a depressant. It makes you feel down in the dumps. Drugs are even worse. That’s poison. Don’t put poison into your body.
Stop and smell the roses- It’s amazing how calm I get when I go for a walk, especially in the summer. Mine is more of a slow stroll. I’ll check out the different architecture in the neighborhood. I also like to listen to the birds chirp or watch the squirrels run around. Enjoy the moment.
Volunteering- This is on my to do list. Helping at an animal shelter or a food bank will trick your mind into not focusing on your misery and instead you’ll concentrate on helping others in need. You feel better about yourself, like you’re making a difference, which you are. When we help others we feel better about ourselves. For now, one of the things I started doing was picking up litter and throwing it away during my walks. It annoys me seeing cans and liquor bottles on my walk. I always feel better after I clean up. I made my small part of the world a better place.
Setting a Goal- Maybe you can’t afford to volunteer. Times are tough. Even accomplishing a small task for the day like making your bed or doing the dishes will give you a sense of accomplishment.
Animals- Earlier I mentioned watching animals in the summertime. Unfortunately, Midwest winters are pretty brutal. One thing that helps me is watching videos of animals. People probably wonder why I have a picture of a parakeet on my Twitter background and on my website. It’s because of a video I saw on YouTube. Disco the Parakeet knew more than 100 phrases. He had a style and personality all his own, kind of like yours truly. Disco has a bunch of videos on YouTube (see one of his below). He always puts a smile on my face. I watch him every day.
Laughter- I’m a strong believer in laughter. It’s okay to laugh, even when things aren’t going great. A sit com like Two and a Half Men or Seinfeld usually hits the spot. I’m thinking about taking an improv class in the future, just for fun. I probably have a whole season of material with some of my lousy fantasy football takes haha!
Avoid Toxic People- This goes for being online and offline. Life is too short to deal with trolls. If people want to be rude, screw them. Just block them. The same goes with offline. Even if it’s family members, if people aren’t treating you with respect that you deserve or caring about you as a person- the hell with them. Just make up an excuse and avoid that scenario.
Know Your Limitations- I know driving by my childhood home or the cemetery where my dad was laid to rest will be tough. I won’t do it. I’ll drive an extra 20 minutes around it just to avoid feeling that pain. Also, certain movie scenes like the one in Field of Dreams when Kevin Costner says, “Dad, do you want to have a catch?” is too tough for me to watch. I have to change the channel.
Religion- I won’t sit here and say I’m the most religious guy. I’m not. I say a prayer and try to be a good person. That’s pretty much it. I just hope there’s a heaven and that I’ll see my dad again, when it’s my time, after a long life. As Andy Dufresne told Red in Shawshank Redemption, “Hope is a good thing.”
Counseling- Earlier I mentioned leaning on my friends helped me a lot. Not everyone has friends like that. Even friends can only do so much. Sometimes seeing a counselor can help. I say counselor, not a psychologist, because a counselor looks for the good in people. Psychologists look for what’s wrong with people. Focus on the positive
I would love to sit here and tell you do these things and that you’ll never have another tough day feeling down or angry. But that’s not the truth. The truth is some days are good and others are not. Father’s Day is always hard for me. This past one was not fun. July 15th (the anniversary of my dad’s death) is another tough one. However, using some of these strategies has helped me cope. Hopefully, they’ll help you too.
Mark Ringo
