You Big Dummy
Fred G. Sanford here, aka F.G. Sanford in the fantasy industry. The F.G. stands for Fantasy Greatness.
(check-in lady at the airport), “Hi Mr. Sanford. How can I help you?”
Fred Sanford,, “Yes, I’d like to review this fool’s (Mark Ringo’s) fantasy picks from 2020. I need a round trip ticket to Junk City.”
QB Drew Brees
Fred Sanford, “Why did you like Drew Brees? He’s forty-two years old for Pete’s sake.”
Mark Ringo, “He’s a future Hall of Famer and plays in The Big Easy.”
Fred Sanford, “It’s more like he plays for The Big Dummy.”
WR Julio Jones
Fred Sanford, “Why did you have Julio Jones ranked so high?”
Mark Ringo, “He’s one of the best wide receivers in the league.”
Fred Sanford, “He played nine games and only scored three touchdowns. You should have named your fantasy team Julio and Damn Foolio.”
TE Rob Gronkowski
Fred Sanford,, “Are you crazy? Why did you bid on a veteran tight end, coming out of retirement, in an auction?”
Mark Ringo, “Gronk is one of the greatest tight ends of all-time. He’s reunited with QB Tom Brady down in Tampa Bay.”
Fred Sanford, “Going once, going twice, sold! To the dummy in the front row.”
WR A.J. Green
Fred Sanford, “Why did you take A.J. Green?”
Mark Ringo, “Well it was between Green and D.K. Metcalf. I chose Green.”
Fred Sanford, “You mean to tell me you passed on D.K. Metcalf for A.J. Green? The A.J. must stand for Another Joke of a pick. Nice going Dummy!”
RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire
Fred Sanford, “Why did you like this fool?”
Mark Ringo, “Edwards-Helaire was a good looking rookie. He also plays on the most explosive offense in the league. “
Fred Sanford, “Well he only scored four touchdowns in 2020 so unless Edwards-Helaire starts scoring six across the goal line it’s going to be five across your lip.”
QB Ben Roethlisberger
Fred Sanford, “Why did you have this fool ranked so high?”
Mark Ringo, “Big Ben is a Steelers legend and former Super Bowl champion.”
Fred Sanford, “They should name a movie after you for this pick.”
Mark Ringo, “You mean like Big, starring Tom Hanks?”
Fred Sanford, “No, I mean like Big Dummy starring you. Dummy.”
RB Todd Gurley
Fred Sanford, “Why did you have this clown ranked in the top forty?”
Mark Ringo, “Todd Gurley had some big years with the Rams where he single-handedly carried fantasy teams to a title. He was blessed with talent by Mother Nature.”
Fred Sanford, “Well they should carry him off on a stretcher. He was cursed by Father Time.”
Mark Ringo, “I need your help.”
Fred Sanford, “I’m a junkman, not a superhero.”
Mark Ringo, “Please Mr. Sanford. I really need your help.”
Fred Sanford, “I agree. Let me take the truck and run over these picks. Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superdummy!”
WR Tee Higgins
Fred Sanford, “You liked another Bengals wide receiver? Cincinnati is one of the worst teams in the league. What were you thinking?”
Mark Ringo, “Tee was a talented rookie out of Clemson.”
Fred Sanford, “You two make a perfect couple…Tweedley-Tee and Tweedley-Dummy.”
QB Aaron Rodgers
Fred Sanford, “Why did you have one of the greatest QB’s of all-time, Aaron Rodgers, ranked so low?”
Mark Ringo, “I thought the Packers weren’t going to pass it a lot this year.”
Fred Sanford, “You big, cheese headed dummy!”
QB Philip Rivers
Fred Sanford, “Why the heck did you take a washed up bum like Philip Rivers?”
Mark Ringo, “He was one of my top sleeper picks. You know for every fantasy owner there’s a sleeper.”
Fred Sanford, “And for every dummy there’s a dummy. Dummy!”
Fred Sanford, “Oh, this is the big one. You hear that Elizabeth? I’m coming to join you honey.
I can see my tombstone. Fred G. Sanford played fantasy football from 1991-2021. Died from an overdose of reviewing this fool’s lousy picks.”
Mark Ringo, “Come on. They’re not that bad.”
Fred Sanford, “They’re not that good. Have you ever thought about going into the junk business?”
Mark Ringo, “No. Why?”
Fred Sanford, “You’ll always have a job. As long as the NFL has junk, you’re going to draft junk. You big dummy!”